Team Management

I Was Gone 67 Days Before I Quit. You Just Didn’t See It.

✍️ Ella Hays 📅 November 22, 2025 ⏱️ 10 min read
Updated: December 18, 2025

I didn’t leave on the day I quit. I left 67 days earlier—quietly, politely, while still showing up. This is what leaders miss: people don’t leave suddenly. They fade out. And by the time the exit interview says “money,” the real story is already long over.

I Was Gone 67 Days Before I Quit. You Just Didn’t See It.

I didn’t realise I’d actually resigned until months after I left.

Not the official resignation — the one with the respectful bullet points and the well-behaved “thank you for the opportunity.”
I mean the real resignation.
The one that happened quietly. Subtly. Invisibly.

It slipped out of me somewhere between a third cancelled project and the moment Outlook sent me a follow-up reminder before 9am and I thought:

“Yeah… this might actually finish me.”

Hindsight is rude like that.
It shows you the exact moment the job lost you long before anyone notices you’re gone.

So let me walk you through it.
A 67-day autopsy.
Not as an HR case study.
Not as a leadership fable.

Just as someone who was still technically employed while spiritually unavailable.

Because here’s the part CEOs never see:

You don’t lose people when they quit.
You lose them while they’re still showing up.

The CEO Moment (Featuring: Minitek)

Before I tell you about my disappearance, let me show you the other side of this story.

A few months ago, one of the founders — the person who keeps giving me spreadsheets — sat down with a CEO from a fictional 280-person SaaS company we’ll call Minitek.
Solid product. Good brand. Classic mid-market tech.

She said, with full confidence:

“Our turnover’s pretty normal. Eighteen percent. Nothing to worry about.”

Turnover rate always sounds harmless.
Like cholesterol when your doctor hasn’t shown you the scan yet.

So he asked her:

“Do you know your turnover cost?”

She shrugged. “A few million?”

He ran Minitek’s numbers — not the rate, not the benchmark, not the industry average — the actual cost.

And when the total hit $4.1 million, she laughed.
When it hit $5.4 million, she didn’t.
When it hit $5.7 million, she went very still in a very specific way —
the way people go quiet when a problem stops being abstract and starts being financially carnivorous.

That’s why this story matters.

Because CEOs aren’t losing employees at 18%.

They’re losing $5.4 million and calling it “industry standard.”

My Final 67 Days (While Still Technically Employed)

A story you don’t hear because we only tell the last 2% of the truth out loud.

Day -67

Someone talked over me in a meeting. Again.
I made a point. He repeated it louder. The room nodded.
Apparently we now credit men for excellent ventriloquism.

I messaged my friend:
“Did that just happen or is my brain buffering?”

She replied: “LOL.”

I did not LOL.

Day -52

I asked about a promotion.

Not dramatically.
More like a weary:
“Do I have a future here or should I start a farm?”

The answer was vague.
Bandwidth.
Next quarter.
“You’re so valued.”
(All early warning signs.)

I nodded.
Then opened LinkedIn in a private tab.

Day -46

My manager said my “energy seemed off.”

Which is fascinating, because the only things powering me at that point were caffeine and spite.

Day -38

Another project died.

No warning.
Just poof.
Gone from the roadmap I’d been nurturing like a delusional Victorian botanist.

I laughed out loud — an unhinged, exhausted little noise.

“I’m fine,” I said.

I was not fine.

Day -30

I asked a direct question.
They replied with a paragraph so vague it could’ve been generated by a chatbot with performance anxiety:

“We’re exploring cross-functional perspectives.”

Okay.
Cool.
I’ll just go whisper my responsibilities into a hedge.

Day -23

I stopped raising problems.

Not because they were solved.
Because nothing happened when I raised them.

People disappear very gradually:
one unsent message at a time.

Day -18

Someone said, “Just Slack it to me.”

Still don’t know what that means.
I emailed them.
They didn’t reply.

Day -13

I was told I was “a steady presence.”

Correct.
Because emotionally I had flatlined.
Steady = no remaining vital signs.

Day -9

I took a recruiter call wearing a cardigan and drinking cold coffee.
Didn’t pretend to be impressive.

“Tell me something better,” I said.

They did.

Day -4

Was asked to take on a “stretch assignment.”

Ah yes.
Stress in a shiny package.
No pay rise.
No training.
Just vibes.

“Sure,” I said out loud.
Internally: add that to the reasons I’m leaving.

Exit Interview

“Why are you leaving?”
“Compensation and growth.”

Which was true —
in the same way “I’m tired” is true
when what you really mean is:

“My soul is fraying and I barely recognise myself.”

What You Didn’t See

You didn’t see the 67-day fade-out.

Because I was still:

You didn’t see the moment I left.
No one ever does.

Because money is the socially acceptable reason to quit.

The truth sounds more like:

“I tried to tell you I was unhappy for 67 days and nobody listened.”

You Didn’t Just Lose Me — You Lost $260,000

Here’s the number CEOs don’t calculate:

$260K — the real cost of replacing one person.

Breakdown:

One resignation.
One departure.

Minitek — with 280 people and an 18% turnover rate — is looking at $5.4M evaporating annually.

Not through drama.
Not through conflict.
Just through polite emails and dead eyes.

Why Leaders Miss the 67 Days

Because they track rate, not cost.

And because people don’t broadcast the truth —
they hint at it quietly, in ways managers often miss:

Exit interviews say “money.”
Anonymous daily check-ins show 67 days of discomfort before that.

Signals aren’t the problem.
Visibility is.

People Don’t Leave for Money — They Leave for the 67 Days Before It

The recruiter’s offer is never the reason.
It’s the permission.

People leave when:

By the time someone says “yes” to a 20% raise, the real story has already unfolded quietly.

Money is the final chapter.
Not the plot.

So What Do You Do About It?

You can’t stop every resignation.
But you can stop being blindsided by them.

1. Track cost, not rate.

18% turnover feels normal.
$5.4M does not.

Calculate Your Turnover Cost

2. Ignore exit interviews.

They’re the last page of a very long book.

3. Look at the 67 days BEFORE someone leaves.

The timeline is predictable:

Day -67: unheard
Day -52: unclear future
Day -38: lost ownership
Day -23: disengaged
Day -9: recruiter call
Exit: “compensation”
Reality: “I tried.”

4. Ask anonymously. Daily.

Not quarterly.
Not annually.
Not in a branded survey people answer like they’re being watched.

People will tell you the truth when you make it safe.

Not psychologically safe.
Actually safe.
Anonymous safe.

Without that, leaders aren’t listening — they’re guessing.
And guessing is expensive.

Final Thought

I didn’t leave for money.
I left for silence.
For the kind that sits in meetings.
For the kind that fills inboxes.
For the kind you only notice when it’s too late.

If you’re reading this thinking:

“My team would never leave like that…”

Okay.
Ask them.

Ask without judgment.
Without ego.
Without agenda.

Ask like you genuinely want to know the answer —
not like you’re hunting for a metric.

Because people don’t leave suddenly.
They leave slowly.
Quietly.
Expensively.

— Ella
Corporate escapee.
Still not over that stretch assignment.
Still wondering what Slack is.
Still here, apparently.

Calculate Your Turnover Cost in 5 Minutes
Find out what it’s really costing you before the next person disappears with a polite smile and a half-burnt soul.

 

Tags: employee turnoverretentionleadershipmanager blind spotsturnover cost

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